So Christmas is here, lots of people in bintang walk and sunway pyramid probably...
along with their friends, with some cocktail in their hands?
well, here I am blogging.
whats been up? it has been days and days, even weeks - it seemed that my only friend who would always be there somehow disappeared. God was somewhere?
well, I just found out, recently, I didn't love God as much as I used to before.
I felt bad. Maybe not so much because of sin...
but in a sense sin also. I somehow can't live properly without God. Its plain bad. When I was with God, there was Somebody that I shared my joy and my sadness with; without God...
it was so pointless crying since it didn;t seem that anybody would hear it.
but until now, I still can't get myself to cry.
Hows Christmas eve?
was in the streets of Pasar Seni. Homeless, jobless, lifeless... many -less people there. much like other people actually much like many people I live with. they have a home, they have their job and stuff. just no life.
I look around, I see normal people going from one place to the other to find some fun stuff to do, trying to find a right person, and going mad about all sorts of things. On the other hand, I see many bored Christians.
I was with Samuel today as we rode thru the streets. I think I almost got whacked. Some indian guy, which I think he is either drunk or crazy, threatened me. well, thats alright.
Met with a guy who draws, whether for aliving or not I don't know. but as I walked with Samuel, I cn just see that kind of faces people carry. They don't know the hope. The hope in Jesus Christ. but I have no idea what to do. How do I tell them?
then when the street ministry started giving out food. I'm just thinking again, these people. how? Where is the guy who was dying of AIDS I saw last week? Where is the guy who struggled with sexual problems? Whats been up?
It was only last night I saw a shout-out by my friend. seems that one of my ex schoolmates, got leukemia. Dying.
Its not totally hopeless. He is in an isolated ward, can;t go and talk to him. God can. Thats a ray of hope.
Tonight is Christmas, yet I know for sure, somebody is still dying of hunger this very second. My heart is painful. God's heart is a million times more painful.
I think my heart is painful simply because people are just dying.
but I think God's heart is painful because so many people who have money are simply partying, closing their eyes to the dying part of the world.
Sometimes I really hate this, not sometimes, all the time. What do I do? scold?
I don't know.
So its Christmas. I could be shouting and laughing all along. but I think I can't just force these things. Maybe a smile, bittersweet...
because, Jesus bore this burden. The burden of the sin of the world.
and Jesus died for me. Thats big deal.
He is my hope. My life hangs on that.
So do many people's life. So when all these things are running through my mind. guess who comes?
I just came back from church. I saw this girl, that I mention always. She is just so pretty looking. and I mean really pretty.
and so what comes into my mind. I look at myself in the mirror and I wonder...
so, this is Christmas. I have a life. My life is in my hands now. Either I can live, to meet my aims, live life moderately selfish, which the world approves of; or I will live my life in a manner, consistent to the love my Friend lived for me, as the song goes...

I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me,
The world behind me, the cross before me,
The world behind me, the cross before me,
No turning back, no turning back.

but let me not make it sound as if I'm so big time. I struggle. In times like this, I simply find it very difficult. It seems that not many people share this. Teens are bored. Adults are bored. Kids are not bored because they are ignorant. Well not everybody. but if many would admit. Statistics would show. Maybe I will just pray during this Christmas.

God...
do You think it will make a difference? to those who are dying....

anyway, my friends...

Merry Christmas