The major reason is because I was drifting away from God.
I've been like learning tons during this period... I was reading David and Solomon, to find out the same thing. Back in November, I got baptized in The Holy Spirit. Then a few weeks down the road, I started walking away from God... Then I saw, a while after God renewed His promises towards David concerning the building of the temple, he committed adultery, murder, and lied. Wow!
and Solomon! after God was practically talking to Solomon, Solomon became a big time womanizer which lead him to idolatry - a fall that he never recovered from.
David repented right after all those. A man after God's own heart. Big timer in God's eyes.
I wanna be like David...
I know, those words... when I hear it, I'll be like dead because I'm too happy, exaggerating.
To bring me back, loads of stuff happened.
Fake repentance, tons of verses from God, ppl praying for me, then God had to give a dream to Alvin, to wake me up. It was like some big time war. Just that, there is no glamour in all these things for now.
It was bad, like average complacent Christian thing. Repent like everyday. Try to patch things up with quiet time, to find out that it doesn't work out - which I knew like from before.
I knew I was not wholehearted before God. I was playing with fire. Waste a lil time here, let my thoughts wander a lil bit further, that sounds so innocent right. Well, its not.
So, again and again I tried to believe in GOd that everything is gonna work out better and better. One moment, I was kneeling beside my bed, praying hard before I go to sleep.
Next morning I wake up and start again with my old habits. Now, that is rebellion - people who stay like that, make themselves God's enemy. Good thing God saved me, opened my eyes, and put good people around me.
So, stuff ran through my mind - since the lesson is the most important part - apart from the final result, so I'll type what I can record here.
I was jogging one morning, and after 3 rounds, which I got so tired, I sat down and rested, and started thinking.
A warrior... what is a warrior like? If I'm a real man, real warrior, why am I living in defeat?
I was living in some sort of shame. probably the kinda thing some gays go thru, lonely nights, knowing stuff is not right but continuing in it, because there just seemed to be no acceptance anywhere, or any encouragement to change.
well, I'm not gay. but I guess discrimination kills much more than sin - temporarily.
A lukewarm Christian is dead, and if he continues, he dies forever.
discrimination is sin+lukewarmness..... but the big thing is hypocrisy.
The Bible says...rebellion is as witchcraft.
there are many Christians living in rebellion, and there is only one path for the enemies of God, that is death. There is a nicer way to say it, but there is no nicer place for sinners who continue in their sin to go.
I called up my good friend Ling. She just listened to my problems...didn't say much. But she always says this, which proves true "Joel, you know what is wrong, and you can change it(repent) if you really want to"
its like some sort of killing statement...
its practically saying I'm living in rebellion to God. but that was true.
Then my second helper was Emilia. She's CF worship coordinator. She taught me how to meditate on God's word, how to visually lay down baggages, giving it all to God and stuff...
helpful, it got me thinking about God a little more.
Then the third is Joseph, my president. He is a guy. so its like, its not much help somehow - but I know he is some fighting guy. He is like some warrior. So, what he is, as a Christian, brought comfort to me. the girls, comforted me in, another way. Words.
Then whole CNY thing. Holidays. Gave me time to relax, and too much relax kills.
and one fine day, Mr Davis ( my mom's cell leader ) gave my mom a call, to look for me. He told me that there was this Brazillian Nigerian guy by the name of Louis, who was too free during CNY, he was bored and that I should come up with something for him. Louis studies in Taylors, doing ADTP, so he stays in a house nearby.
So I gave him an SMS, a call, which was not replied. So one day, he proly got fed up and called me on Friday. So I said why not we go to SJMC (hospital), I wanna go donate some blood.
so he agreed, we talked all the way - so he is a Christian. He sounded joking all the while, until he started praying. He kinda set the example there and then. We went to visit the patient whom I was giving my blood to, and he started praying, when I was still wanting to talk to the lil girl. Goh Eu Wern, cute lil girl. dengue fever, suffering bad.
then as I was having my blood go thru some fat needle into a bag, he was there praying. I was like wah, so spiritual...
then we went places, then home. Saturday, got my haircut. Then went out with Louis again, this time to KL. We went to the street ministry near Petaling Street at first, and stood there to watch. Then he said that we were wasting time and I should have brought some tracts.
right... tracts. He is more prayerful than me, more evangelistic than me.
Then he asked me stuff like, dont my church people dance??
er...not really...
then he sang some songs to God every now and then, I was somehow convicted. I know somehow he wasn't acting - I wasn't some hot chick he was trying to impress anyway. I was convicted of this....slackness. Reminded me of my more passionate days...
He also told me about world politics, told me about this open vision...
he made it sound like so normal... which SHOULD BE...
I was like, wow... you have open visions?
So here comes Sunday.
Sunday is a wonderful day. There is leader's meeting. Celebration. then MAG. MAG is some accountability group. Wonderful Joshua and Samuel.
Samuel is really very nice cos he always fetches me home... haha. Really, and its nowhere near on the way. And Joshua, he is also a very listening guy. then there was this one particular time he helped me out when I was in trouble. back in May I think, around there.
yeah, another famous guy is Troy - the guy that, in a sense, intro-ed me to Jesus.
Now the big news is,
I asked Louis to mentor me!
yay!
He is gonna be like some Paul to me for the moment. like Paul and timothy ya know~
So stuff was actually down down down....
but then God said no. and I will say, yes God to your nos'. Repent, and have this wholehearted faith towards God. cos I just know He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life~
yay